Tattoo You!Tattoos too expensive? Mom won't let you get one until you're 12? Well, here's how you can TATTOO YOURSELF FOR FREE!
You'll need:
- 1 piece of tracing paper
- 1 picture you want permanently embedded in your skin
- 1 ball point pen
- 1 pint rubbing alcohol
- 1 box tissue or toilet paper
- Tape
- 1 quart tequila
- 1 sewing needle
How to Tattoo:
- Trace the picture onto the tracing paper with the pen.
- Prepare the skin by wiping it with rubbing alcohol (use tissue)
- Tape traced drawing to skin
- Drink tequila
- Drink remaining rubbing alcohol (you will need to lick the needle frequently to keep it germ free)
- Break open the pen so you can dip the needle in the ink
- Poke needle with ink into skin following the traced picture
HINT: Poke deep. You can't be sure the tattoo will be permanent unless you see blood.
- When you're done, remove the tracing paper and lick the area thoroughly to clean. Cover with several layers of tissue. Tape in place.
That's It! Now you've got a tattoo and it didn't cost you ANYTHING!
Tattoo Ideas (difficulty 1 easy to 5 expert)
- Your baby shoes (3)
- A knife piercing a block of cheese, tip dripping, captioned in gothic letters, "Edam." (3)
- Pubic hair on inner thighs (1)
- Cotton symbol with caption, "The Fabric of our Lives" (2)
- Tattoo of a blank sheet of primary ruled paper: temporary sayings can be written in using
- Sharpie attached to scrotum (2)
- Full-sized face of Elvis or Jesus over own face (5)
Full-sized photo-realistic picture of self on chest (5)
- Full-sized relish tray on shoulders (olives, carrots, celery, cauliflower, and pickles with onion dip) (5)
- A young Ed McMahon (4)
Tattoo You FAQ
We understand that self-tattooing is not an easy thing to get right on your first try. We get many emails about the art and have compiled some of the most frequently asked questions below:
Q: What if I'm not artistic?
A: That's why we recommend tracing. You can get a friend to do it for you, but then you won't be as cool.
Q: Is it ok to drink rubbing alcohol?
A: No.
Q: Where am I?
A: Usually the answer is: On the kitchen floor in a pool of your own vomit.
Q: Ok, the tat' looks pretty rad, but it's turning black and starting to smell.
A: That's called "gangrene." Just keep licking the area to keep it clean.
Q: My son lost his arm and is in the hospital with liver damage. What kind of irresponsible asshole are you?
A: We get this one a lot. Usually, the best answer is: Your son is a moron and you're a terrible, uninvolved parent.
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