Some Performance Art Ideas I'm Thinking About DoingGet about 12-13 people with big mouths and have each of them put their right hand in the person to their left's mouth. Hold for 15 seconds then remove. To the tune of Godzilla by Blue Oyster Cult.
Quitting smoking onstage.
Unwrapping 47 pieces of Bazooka gum and eating the wrappers while pretending to read the gum and laughing hysterically.
Inviting all my ex-girl friends onstage while I describe into a microphone each of their sexual strengths and weaknesses.
Make head cheese while a United Negro College Fund commercial plays in a loop behind me.
Count my toes on my fingers and my fingers on my toes until someone yells at me to quit or throws something at me. Record the time of such event and continue counting for that amount of time longer or until I am physically assaulted. To the indefinite music of Phish.
Bury three naked women to their necks in top soil, then water their heads. To the tune of It's Raining Men.
Act out Homer's The Iliad with sock puppets inside a refrigerator box in Greek with Turkish subtitles.
Gather 12-13 Regis Philbin impersonators with big mouths and have each of them put their right hand in the person to their left's mouth. Hold for 17 minutes then remove. To the tune of Ravel's Bolero.
Write a heinous computer virus and upload it to the web, onstage.
Relive the past 8 years of my life in real time.
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Tales From the Floor
Ever wonder what a floor would say if it could talk? Well, ours does (and it's a "she," not an "it." Sorry.) Have a listen Chipper Jones' Diary
The scandalous secret life of the Atlanta Braves' third baseman Experience
Cooking Tip
Make sure your digestive tract works before eating anything.
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