Tales From the Floor

The Floor of Contempt - FAQs

Walked all over…. it's the story of my life as an office floor, but don't think I don't notice or take note about those that bother me. Here are some answers to FAQs around the office here for your pleasure or displeasure:

Yes, high heels hurt me… but I like it, it's that "good hurt" if you know what I mean.

No, I absolutely hate the color of the carpet with which I am adorned. Purple and coral just don't go together.

Yes, the director fondles himself under his desk… all day long.

No, I do not get along with the break room floor, I think she's a plastic coated cement slab of a bitch; and a gossip to boot.

Fran Coulter, the efficiency manager, weighs about twice as much as you might guess...I suppose she's very dense.

Billy McClendon's feet smell like stale cheese popcorn, even when his shoes are on.

Yes, my name is Flour; I didn't have much of a choice as to what my name would be when Steadman & Son's contractors built me in 1975.

Shelly Hamilton, despite the numerous times she's denied it, does fart quite a bit and it really smells.

No, the admin assistant, Trisha Harrington, rarely wears underwear.

No, fluorescent lighting just doesn't do me justice.

Oh yeah, the building foundation has positively confirmed with me the whereabouts of Jimmy Hoffa.