Best Wishes of the Season“We at The Rag, who hale from various beliefs and cultures, want to extend to all of our readers a warm and hearty, innocuous gesture at this time of year in which many who do not believe such rites are sacrilegious hold celebrations for diverse reasons.”
We spent a great deal of time and money to create the perfectly inoffensive holiday (don’t use that word) message. So you don’t have to go through the arduous process that we have, we offer the following list of terms not to use with explanations:
| Term | Offends |
|---|
| Holiday |
Atheists. Derived from holy day. |
| Christmas |
Non-Christians |
| Chanukah |
Non-Jews and Jews that spell it Hanukkah |
| Kwanza |
Assholes |
| Noel |
Some members of the British pop group Oasis and some playwrights |
| Winter |
Southern Hemispherites |
| Peace on
Earth |
Terrorists |
| (hey, aren''t there three A's in Kwanzaa? Oh, I don't fuckin care.) |
| Goodwill
towards Men |
Women, robots |
| Happy New
Year |
Non-Gregorian calendar cultures (mostly slopes) |
| Frosty |
milkshakes |
| Rooftops |
basements |
| sugarplums |
diabetics |
| Dick Clark's
Rockin New Year |
everyone |
|
Tales from the Floor
Yeah, it's a floor, but it's also a person. Tales from the Floor That Kofi Annan's A Nut!
Man, I partied with Kofi after the awards ceremony and he forgot his medal. Someone tell him I have his medal
Tips from the Tech Team
If you're spitting, you're probably close to a boot.
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