The Rag Almanac of Uncommon Measurements

We at The Rag are men and woman of science (there was another woman, two actually, but they left to pursue brighter futures and men with larger elbows) and as such we believe that everything can be and should be quantified. While we haven't quite measured everything, we have come close. Close enough, in fact, that we decided to publish our results. Descriptive statistics for continuous variables were directly obtained from the value-versus-time curves without interpolation, determined by log-linear regression of the terminal log-linear segment of the concentration-time curve calculated using the trapezoidal rule and an apparent constant.

Distance in centimeters a pen can be inserted into a cat's (felix domesticus) ear before it flinches - 17

Weight (in newtons) of unarticulated hostility between the members of Armenian couple married 35 years or more - 21

Distance travelled (in km) by blood spurt from a 1 cm puncture wound in the carotid artery - .00017213

Width (in cm) of the smile on the face of a woman who was artificially inseminated by the sperm of George Hamilton upon giving birth - 10 (please note, these are averages).

Average number of kids (per 100,000) that look exactly like a local fertility doctor - 15

Average width (in mm) of the hairs growing from the moles of strippers at the Clermont Lounge on Ponce de Leon Ave. - 12

Number of years (in months) before couples start farting in each other's presence - 20

Number (in numbers) of issues The Rag must publish before the Average American gives a damn - 32,812,119

How much fun we're having (in fun units) - a million!

Number of times (per centimeter of skull thickness) I have to tell you before you get it through your thick skull - 9

Length of 30,856,780 Terameters (in Parsecs) - 1

Time (in minutes) elapsed from the time your lover moans the phrase "all night long" to the time you hear snoring - 18