The Rag Interview with Chris Kattan

Chris Kattan has been an ensemble member of Saturday Night Live since 1996. He is best known for playing sexually ambiguous fairy creatures. We spoke to him accidentally when we tried to call our friend, Monte, out in LA.

The Rag Monte, what's up? It's The Rag.

Chris Kattan I'm not Monte. My name is Chris.

TR Oh, very sorry. We must have dialed the wrong number.

CK Wait! Don't hang up. That sounded like you were about to hang up.

TR We were going to hang up. We didn't mean to call you.

CK No, I mean, yes. I meant, yes, my name is Monte. This is Monte. Hey, what's up?

TR What the hell are you talking abou--wait, is this Chris Kattan?

CK (in a really fey voice) Yes, this is Mango himself. Listen I'm terribly busy and don't have time for a phone interview right now.

TR We don't want a phone interview. We didn't mean to call you. Sorry. G'bye.

CK Wait. Please talk to me. I mean, I guess I could give you a few minutes of my time. But make it quick. I've got a meeting with a Barry Levinson at 4:00.

TR It's 4:30 right now.

CK Oh, that, well, whew, I'm glad I missed it. I didn't really have time to meet with him today. I have a lot to do, so make this quick.

TR Ok, we can make this really quick. CLICK

At this point the phone we use exclusively for interviews rings.

TR Hello?

CK Hey, we seemed to have gotten cut off.

TR Did you Star 69 us? Listen, Chris, Mr. Kattan, we hung up on you. We don't want to talk to you.

CK I was with the Groundlings, like my dad. Peepers is actually a character I've done since childhood, when my parents got divorced. I'm really a lot of fun but sometimes I wish I had been born a transexual goat. What are you guys doing tonight?

TR Going to this party I guess. Are you on something?

CK A party? Cool. That sounds awesome. I can drive. What time did you want to get there? We can go to some clubs beforehand. I hate to get to parties too early. When you're in the business, you never want to be too early to a party. So, what, 7? 7:30? I'll come pick you up.

TR Listen Chris, thanks a lot, but we live in Atlanta and we have cars.

CK Atlanta? That's perfect. I was gonna be in Atlanta tonight anyway.

TR Please, don't come to Atlanta, Chris. Just stay at home and watch tapes of yourself.

CK But I've been doing that all weekend. Let's go party. Where do you live?

TR Hell no.

CK What's your name at least? I can find out where you live if you just give me your name. Jack something I think you said?

TR Hey Chris, we just decided that we'll come out there tonight, to LA. Cool? So we'll see you there, in LA.

CK Ok. Great! That's great. I'll be right here. That's perfect. You guys are the best. I'll see you in a couple of hours. I haven't seen another human being in 13 hours and I'm running out of bottles for my urine. Later guys!

TR Can't wait to see you buddy Chris. CLICK

We then ripped out our interview phone and are currently considering a move to Hong Kong.