Investment Tips from EricHi, I'm Eric. My TV broke on Tuesday, so I've just been sitting in my recliner thinking. I've got a bunch of great ideas. Most of them I'm waiting to share until I get patents and/or copyrights. But these investment tips are yours for free.
1) The pop/rap-metal bubble is ready to burst. Divest now. You'll never get a better price on Britney. It's too late for N'Sync, Kid Rock, and all Creed-a-likes.
2) I know it sounds crazy now, but sell low-rise jeans/clunky shoes, buy spandex leggings and Reeboks.
3) Sell Jerry Bruckheimer, buy Harvey Weinstein.
4) Sell all single-letter suicide/designer drugs (X, K, H). Buy comfort/nostalgia triple-letter drugs.
5) Sell X-treme anything. Get rid of skateboarding NOW (it's too late for mountain biking, rock climbing, and kayaking). Buy soccer (futbol).
6) Related to #5: sell PowerBar/Power-ade, buy bananas and orange juice.
7) Related to #2: sell all underwear.
8) Get in on the ground floor of emerging tattoo removal & earlobe reattachment technologies.
Remember, not all investments will bring an immediate return. Just fold up the leggings and tuck them away. You'll thank me in 2005.
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Tales From the Floor
Gather 'round and listen to the floor spin a yarn Have a listen The Rag Guide To Picking Up Chicks
Common sense techniques to picking up chicks without getting hurt The Rag Guide To Picking Up Chicks
Fast Food Ideas
Add-your-own-amount-of-chemical-flavoring station.
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