Living in the Sewer: Pros and Cons

By Sidney Sigler

Lots of people assume that living in the sewer is all bad. Well, let me tell you, after the last seven months in my subterranean domicile, I’ve exploded that notion. Sure, there are drawbacks, but there are just as many perks. I’ve compiled a list on a shred of a car cover I found.

Cons	Pros
Visitors reluctant, and even opening a few manhole covers doesn’t get that smell out.	1.8 million square feet of rock-solid civil engineering and NO RENT.
Have to have a box at Mailboxes Etc., and their hours suck.	Everyday is like Christmas, with new stuff coming down “the chimneys” all over the city.
No HBO, really miss Sex in the City	Near the stadium during a game: brown water rafting.
Toes almost always “pruney.”	Untreated sewage is a great appetite suppressant. With that, and the near constant dysentery, I’ve lost almost 30 pounds and have reached my goal weight.
Belly-button ring just won’t heal.	Never have to “hold it.”
Even the brightest colored clothes quickly become earth-tones, including man-made fibers.	Rats make surprisingly loving pets. Sandy, the mousy-haired one, likes to curl up on my neck when I sleep.
Missed the traveling production of Les Miserables.	Living a real life Les Miserables.
Eyes and skin have lost their color. Eyes have gone from extreme light sensitivity to a lack of function altogether.	Senses of touch and hearing have become super-human.
Chemicals in the sewage sometimes burn my skin and eyes. Permanent deformation.	Reputation as a monster (“The Floater”) saves time when shopping during the holiday season.
	Starting to get invited to Legion of Doom socials.

For more information about life in the sewer, read my Bantam book, Pasty and Translucent Like Me, available this Winter in hardcover, and in a special “Sewer” edition in Tyvek.

About the Author:
Sidney Sigler studied organic chemistry and textiles at the Dayton School of Technology, leaving just before earning his degree to form Sanzipper, a line of clothing employing advanced and innovative elastics instead of conventional clasping devices.

Barriers to entry from established corporate lines and market prejudice never allowed Sanzipper to realize its full potential. Just 1 year after opening, Sanzipper closed its doors. Mr. Sigler moved back home to take care of his parents, simplify his life, and focus on the future.

To get by while weighing career options, Sidney took a job at the Hoover municipal water treatment facility nearby. The idea that would change his life, living in the sewer, came to Sidney while out in the field collecting samples.

Mr. Sigler is currently busy finishing his first book. He is also negotiating terms of comic book representation and trading cards. He plans to return to the surface someday to lay waste to the city that has shunned him, or possibly to finish his degree.