BUSH POINTS OUT SHINY THING

ENTIRE NATION DISTRACTED FOR A MOMENT

In the middle of a news conference where he was being asked some tough questions about what he knew before September 11 and his involvement in the Enron scandal, President George W. Bush (R, USA) unexpectedly began shouting and pointing, saying “Hey! Looky there! Look at that big ol’ shiny thing! Man, that is big!”

The crowd was stunned to see a flickering green shininess above the podium. Immediately, questions were hurled at the President. Below is a transcript:

CNN’s Wolf Blitzer Mr. President, do you think the shiny thing that hovers above us now could be from some other planet?

President I don’t know Wolf, could be. But surely you’ll have to admit it’s shiny.

Sam Donaldson Is there any chance there is some chemical agent involved, and that terrorists might be behind it?

President: Well, Terry, I don’t want to go alarmin’ everyone. Let’s just say we shouldn’t rule out terrorists. We know they’ve done much worse than make a shiny thing appear. Of course, if, in a couple of minutes, we all go blind, then it was definitely terrorists.

Just then, a young Arabic man was caught on camera holding a pair of LaserFun flashlights. These lights are commonly sold at rave parties, where drugs are enjoyed. The man was wrestled to the ground, and then taken into custody.

Upon seeing this happen, Bush remarked, “This man was obviously a terrorist that I have never met. Now see what terror can do. It can hold a nation and all the TV networks hostage for minutes, wasting precious air time, and taking away our attention from what we should focusing on- fighting terror.

“We must move on with our lives, and though this thing was certainly very shiny, we must remain ever vigilant. We are a strong nation, and I know that this new bizarre tragedy will bring us together as a nation. And guess what? We’ll be even stronger. God Bless America.

The President then said, “Hey look. Isn’t that Dick Cheney over there?” and ran behind the curtain.