Miracle Checklist™

Did you just see that? That must have been a miracle. Or musn't it have? Not sure, huh? We understand. It's tough these days. Most people wouldn't know a miracle if it bit them on the ass. But The Rag is here to help. We've developed this easy to develop, easy to debunk checklist for determining if any event in all of history was in fact, a miracle.

1) Did it bite you in the ass?

2) Did more than two people see it?

3) Could it be described by a poet or theater critic?

4) Was blood involved where blood shouldn't have been involved?

5) Did a piece of produce start singing?

6) Would someone from Perry, GA, pay admission to see it again?

7) Did the event occur in Mexico?

8) At or about the time of the event, did you acquire the power to talk to woodland creatures and they to you?

9) Was God present to verify the event as a miracle and hand out certificates?

10) And where is this certificate now?

11) When God handed out certificates, did you notice if He was walking funny, as if maybe someone had, I don't know, hit Him in the knee with a lawn mower handle?

12) Did you rigorously and systematically rule out all other non-miracle explanations?

13) Well, shit, I mean, were you on acid?

Answers

1) Yes, 2) Yes, 3) No, 4) Yes, 5) Yes, 6) Yes, 7) Yes, 8) Yes, 9) Yes, 10) In my wallet next to my Schlotsky's Frequent "Eating at Schlotsky's" Schlotsky's Club card, 11) Yes, 12) Yes, 13) No

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