The Rag Outing Service

Okay, here's the deal. You are incredibly gay. Everyone knows it...except your parents. You want to tell them. You are bursting to tell them. You just want to sing it at the top of your lungs! But there's a problem. Your mother's Southern Baptist and your father's an ex-Marine. If you told them how utterly flaming you are, they would kill you and possibly themselves. Anyone ever heard of "the irresistible force vs. the immovable object"? You could write a philosophy paper on the subject, girlfriend.

But it doesn't have to be that bad. Relax and let The Rag tell your family for you. The Rag knows how to tell the family members of strangers that they're gay. It's what we do. And it's what we've been doing for over 25 years. Our highly trained staff of Hollywood screen writers and actors, active from the 20s to the late 80s, can express your homosexuality in such a way that it seems harmless and even "charming" to conservative members of the older generation.

It's so easy, too. And completely free. Just send an email to TheRag@therag.com and tell us about yourself and the people you want to come out to. In one to two weeks, we will send them an artfully phrased yet unambiguous email letting them know that you're a complete fairy. We'll even BCC you on it. What could be easier? No awkward silences, no loud yelling, no "gitt'n" of guns.

Who would your parents rather hear the devastating news from, you or Jim Nabors? Please, let The Rag come out for you. You might even retain some inheritance when your folks kick the ol' frying pan.